Jesus Christ, That's a Pretty Face
by VetaButur
Summary: Collection of song-fics focusing on various characters through the seasons usually Dean-centric . Chapter 5: Skylar Grey- Love The Way you Lie /Dean and Sam/ .Weekly Updates.
1. Brand New Jesus

**Disclaimer**: I do not own Supernatural or any of its characters.

**This story takes place after episode 4.21 "When the Levee Breaks", after Dean and Sam separate due to Sam's **_**questionable**_** life choices. **

**Inspired by: **

**Band: Brand New **

**Song: Jesus**

* * *

**Jesus Christ, that's a pretty face**

**The kind you'd find on someone I could save**

**If they don't put me away**

**Well, it'll be a miracle**

When he arrives at the bar, he feels all the eyes on him. He's not conceited, he's aware. Always aware and alert. It's how his dad raised him to be.

Feeling weighed down by their stares, he sits down and orders a shot of whisky and a beer. It's pathetic how little his body is affected by alcohol now.

Within ten minutes a pretty blonde sits down on the stool next to his. She chats him up.

Flirts. Touches his arm.

It is blessing that he is pretty, because God knows that he is no longer charming. He used to be. He used to be able to smile and charm even the most stand-offish women, but now…

**Do you believe you're missin' out**

**That everything good is happening somewhere else?**

**But with nobody in your bed**

**The night's hard to get through**

He doesn't hear what the girl is saying. But he nods his head as if he does.

He wonders what Sammy is up to. If he has fallen off the bandwagon again. If he misses him. If he even thinks about his big brother.

He wonders about Cas. His first best friend. He wonders if Cas ever thought of him like that or if he will always be just a fallen man to him.

Because he is a fallen man.

But sex, intimacy, makes him feel more human; more like who he used to be.

And that is what the blonde provides him with: a chance to regain his humanity, even if it's just for the duration of a quick fuck in the alley way behind the bar.

**And I will die all alone**

**And when I arrive I won't know anyone**

He goes home alone, smelling like sex.

**Well, Jesus Christ, I'm alone again**

**So what did you do those three days you were dead?**

**'cause this problem's gonna last more than the weekend.**

He sits in bed and contemplates his life.

He would like to believe that he is a hero, a saint even. He's been through so much and saved so many people. Yet, now, all he feels is shame.

Because nothing he has done or will do will ever overcome or compensate for what he had done in the Pit. How quickly and easily he gave in and became like the things that he hunted.

A monster.

**Well, Jesus Christ, I'm not scared to die,**

**I'm a little bit scared of what comes after**

**Do I get the gold chariot?**

**Do I float through the ceiling?**

And it doesn't matter how many times Cas tells him otherwise, Dean knows that there is no place for him in Heaven.

But he can't stop that small part of him that yearns to believe his angelic friend; the possibility that he is meant for more than a direct transition from living to the Pit.

**Do I divide and fall apart?**

**'cause my bright is too slight to hold back all my dark**

**And the ship went down in sight of land**

**And at the gates does Thomas ask to see my hands**

But then he remembers what he did in the Pit and realizes that while he is uncertain about the existence of God, he is sure that no God would allow a man like him into Heaven.

A man with hands so dirty. _Filthy._

**I know you're coming in the night like a thief**

**But I've had some time, O Lord, to hone my lying technique**

**I know you think that I'm someone you can trust**

**But I'm scared I'll get scared and I swear I'll try to nail you back up**

And maybe that is the reason that he will never accept the existence of God, despite the gratuitous amount of proof otherwise.

Because he knows that no matter how many times he attends church, no matter how long he kneels and prays to an image of a man on a cross, his soul will never be clean.

Because he cannot stay sane- his soul cannot stay intact- if there is a God. If there is a God that cast him down to Hell when he spent his whole life suffering for the sake of others. Saving them from the things that go bump in the night without recognition. Fighting demons at the risk of his own life.

**So do you think that we could work out a sign**

**So I'll know it's you and that it's over so I won't even try**

And maybe that is why he doesn't fear death. Because this life is like a different kind of Hell.

**I know you're coming for the people like me**

**But we all got wood and nails**

**And we turn out hate in factories**

**We all got wood and nails**

**And we turn out hate in factories**

**We all got wood and nails**

**And we sleep inside of this machine**

And if he were so inclined, he would rage. Scream at a none-existent God for his life. Because he feels like a pathetic caricature of Jesus. Forced to suffer on Earth. Forced to die and experience Hell, only to be thrust back on Earth to suffer more with his memories, disgust, and obligations.

But, he will do his biblically ordained duties. He will suffer and sacrifice what little he has left. He will save the world and his brother, even if it costs him his life and sanity.

And when he dies, he knows that no one will remember him or praise his name.

* * *

**Comments: I hope that the story was easy to follow; the emboldened words are lyrics of the song that reminded me of the character and inspired me to write. All proceeding chapters will follow this format.**

**That being said, I love this show. I think the complexity and development of the characters in Supernatural is astounding. **

**Let me know what you think. Constructive criticism is always welcome as are song suggestions. **


	2. Phantom Planet California

**Disclaimer**: I do not own Supernatural or any of its characters.

**Based on the road trip in episode 2.17 (Heart)- when Sam and Dean drive to San Francisco, California to hunt a werewolf-, and Episode 5.18 (Point of No Return)- when they drive to Van Nuys, California to rescue Adam from Ezekiel. I wanted to compare the mindsets of the brothers between Season 2 and 5.**

**Inspired by:**

**Band: Phantom Planet**

**Song: California**

* * *

**We've been on the run**

**Driving in the sun**

**Looking out for number one**

**California here we come**

**Right back where we started from**

**Season 2:**

After everything seemed to be spiraling out of control, neither brother can stop the relief that enters their bodies when they decide to investigate a suspected werewolf sighting in California.

The sudden influx of demons, the death of their father, everything hangs onto them like an unshakable burden.

Now driving to California- back to where it all began only a year ago- seems like an escape. A breakaway into their old life, away from all the new, paralyzing shit that they have had to encounter over the past few months.

**2 years later (Season 5):**

The car drive to Van Nuys, California is awkward and silent. Every few minutes, Sam will grunt and Dean will tighten his grip on the steering wheel, both looking out to the road and not at the other.

Dean knows that Sam is angry with his decision to say yes to Michael and Sam knows that Dean does not believe that he will be able to resist doing to same to Lucifer.

God their lives are fucked up. Both escaped fugitives as far as some angels are concerned. Both destined to be angel condoms while the world burns.

Everything is spiraling out of control and both brothers just want it to stop.

**Hustlers grab your guns**

**Your shadow weighs a ton**

**Driving down the 101**

**California here we come**

**Right back where we started from**

**Season 2:**

Sam fiddles with a silver bullet as Dean continues to drive. After having to constantly carry around an arsenal- holy water, anti-possession charms, exorcism verses- the necessity of only a silver bullet seems too simple, like they forgot something.

The simplicity of it makes Sam want to laugh.

**2 years later (Season 5):**

They are ready for anything. Their car is full, overflowing with holy water, charms, hex bags, angelic swords, demonic knives, _everything _that they could possibly need, and yet neither Sam nor Dean think that it is enough.

With the world weighing on their shoulders, it seems almost laughable.

**California! California!**

**Here we come!**

_**Ohhhh**_**!**

'Highway to Hell' comes on through the speakers as they hit Route 37. Neither look at the other as they scream the words to the song until their lungs give out.

* * *

**Comments: Hope that it was easy to follow. I thought that it would be interesting to compare Sam and Dean during both their road trips to California in Season 2 and 5. I wanted to show that while the years have been hell on the boys, I don't think that their spirits have ever been broken; screaming out to ACDC felt like an appropriate way to represent this fact.**

**As always, constructive criticism is welcome as are song suggestions. **


	3. Kings of Leon Cold Desert

**Disclaimer: I do not own Supernatural or any of its characters.**

**Inspired by the character Lisa, who is a BAMF in her own right. I feel that the woman who dealt with- and cared for- the broken mess that was Dean, post-Apocalypse, deserved a song-fic. **

**Inspired by:**

**Band: Kings of Leon**

**Song: Cold Desert**

* * *

**I'm on the corner waiting for a light to come on**

**That's when I know that you're alone**

**It's cold in the desert, water never sees the ground**

**Special unspoken without sound**

The light in the garage-turned workspace is still on when she awakes at 3 am.

She quietly makes her way down the hall to outside, shivering in the cold night air as she walks along the cobble-stones that lead to the garage.

**Told me you love me, that I'd never die alone**

**Hand over your heart, let's go home**

**Everyone noticed, everyone has seen the signs**

**I've always been known to cross lines**

When she enters, his head immediately jerks up. Green eyes connect with brown. She recognizes the desperation in those haunted eyes. The constant need for affection. The need to know that he is not alone. So she holds out her hand and pulls him into her arms.

She kisses his cheek and then kisses each of his eyelids. She whispers "I love you"'s like they are prayers, and she prays that at least one will sink into his heart. That he will believe one of her declarations.

And she continues to whisper those words as he picks her up and carries her to the hood of his car. She whispers as he climbs between her legs and begins to remove their clothes.

She whispers even as they have sex.

**I never ever cried when I was feeling down**

**I've always been scared of the sound**

**Jesus don't love me, no one ever carried my load**

**I'm too young to feel this old**

And she continues even as his shoulders shake and tears flow to her collarbone from where his head is buried in her shoulder.

**Here's to you, here's to me**

**On to us, nobody knows**

**Nobody sees, nobody but me**

And even when it all becomes too much and his quiet cries turn to full body sobs, she will continue to hold him and whisper.

Because she knows that no one else will ever be able to hold him like this, with the understanding of what this man has been through. Because she knows that she is the only one that he will ever let see him this way. And because of that, she is the only one that may be able to heal him.

* * *

**Comments: As always, constructive criticism and song suggestions are welcome. Reviews are cherished. **


	4. Placebo Running Up That Hill

**Disclaimer: I do not own Supernatural or any of its characters.**

**This song-fic takes place after the finale of Season 4 and before the finale of Season 5. This chapter can be considered slash considering how you interpret the intent behind Dean's actions. **

**Inspired by:**

**Band: Placebo **

**Song: Running Up That Hill (Cover)**

* * *

When he enters the motel room, he is immediately knocked back by the smell. It smells _rank_. And it is only through the memory of his human vessel that he is able to identify the smell as marijuana.

As soon as he comes to this conclusion, he is assaulted by his human charge.

Dean is inebriated and obviously high. His eyes are bloodshot and he can barely stand, swaying as he approaches Castiel and grabs him.

His eyes are glazed over and hooded as he pushes Castiel onto the bed and climbs into his lap.

Quickly depositing the blunt in his hand into an ashtray laying on the bed, Dean suddenly shifts forward and knocks their heads against the other. He pulls hard on Castiel's hair, violently pressing their forehead together.

Staring deeply into his eyes, Dean whispers desperately, frantically,

"**It doesn't hurt me.**

**You wanna feel how it feels?**

**You wanna know, know that it doesn't hurt me?**

**You wanna hear about the deal I'm making?"**

Castiel is confused at his charge's words, until he remembers back to the previous night. When he offered to look into Dean's mind, to remove the unnecessary pain; the unnecessary memories.

Castiel remembers how violently Dean jerked away from him. Petrified.

"Y-You can read my mind?!" Dean screamed.

Castiel responded calmly that he could always see what was going on in his charge's mind.

He had not expected Dean to respond so violently; pulling his fist back and punching Castiel in the face.

Breathing heavily, Dean screamed at his unmoved companion, "Do not ever read my mind again! Do not look into my thoughts, do not look into my memories. Do. Not. Or I _swear_ to God that I will kill you!"

**You be running up that hill**

Castiel looks back at his charge now, who is now asking him desperately to do something that a night before he had threatened to kill him over.

Resigning himself, Castiel opens up his connection to his charge and allows himself to see what Dean so desperately wants him to see.

**You and me be running up that hill**

At first, it is broken images. Random moments and events of the past month. The majority centered on his brother.

Then Castiel is assaulted with a multitude of emotions. Guilt. Fear. Depression. Desperation. Sorrow. Betrayal. Devastation.

**And if I only could,**

**Make a deal with God,**

**And get him to swap our places,**

**Be running up that road,**

**Be running up that hill,**

**Be running up that building.**

**If I only could, oh...**

Each emotion hits Castiel like a tank. Despite his attempts to remain unaffected, the suffering of his charge is slowly tearing his apathy to shreds.

Each memory and wave of devastation startles Castiel and makes the angel fear for the sanity of his ward.

Without realizing, Castiel finds himself praying: for God to heal his charge. For Dean to come out of this alright.

To replace Dean with someone else. Someone who deserves this pain and torment, or someone who can handle it.

He prays to take his charge's place.

Castiel is thoughts are interrupted as Dean violently throws himself forward, knocking the angel down into the duvet. His charge again roughly smashes their foreheads together, while he sprawls his body across Castiel's. Dean's tears fall and trail down Castiel's cheek.

As his charge cries, Castiel realizes he had opened his own mind to Dean. That his charge could hear his thoughts.

And as the connection deepens, Castiel can feel the emotions magnify as Dean is forced to relive each new memory that he presents to the angel.

Soon, it becomes too much and Castiel considers breaking the connection in order to save his charge from the agony of his mind.

However, Dean appears to disagree with his thoughts and again knocks their heads together, this time so hard that Castiel can feel his teeth rattle.

Yet, Dean seems to want to get closer. Rubbing his forehead into Castiel's, Dean inches forwards until there is only a breath between their faces. Above the ringing in his head, Castiel can hear Dean speak softly again his lips.

"**You don't want to hurt me,**

**But see how deep the bullet lies."**

And Castiel does as Dean requests. He watches and memorizes each new memory presented to him by his charge.

**Unaware that I'm tearing you asunder.**

**There is thunder in our hearts, baby.**

He watches it all. Even as his vessel's heart begins to beat rapidly and he feels as if his stomach has dropped from his body. He watches each agonizing moment. Each self-deprecating thought. Each consideration of suicide. Everything.

He watches. And he memorizes so that he can share in the suffering.

**So much hate for the ones we love?**

For a moment, he feels resentment towards his own father. He blasphemes. He doubts the intentions of his creator. Questions why Dean was chosen for this task.

"**Tell me, we both matter, don't we?"**

He can hear Dean pleading in his head. Pleading for vindication. For proof that he is not a fallen man. That his worth will extend past the end of the Apocalypse.

**You, be running up that hill**

**You and me, be running up that hill**

**You and me won't be unhappy.**

And through the memories and devastation- the pleadings for worthiness and innocence- Castiel feels his vessel's eyes become moist, shudders as his own tears mix with that of his charge.

Because for everything that he has done to assure that this man will save the world, he failed to save this man from himself. From the insanity. The depression. The self-deprecation.

**And if I only could,**

**Make a deal with God,**

**And get him to swap our places,**

**Be running up that road,**

**Be running up that hill,**

**Be running up that building,**

**If I only could, oh...**

Suddenly- violently- his charge is pressing his lips again his own.

It is like lightning. Terrifying and awe-inspiring. It shocks Castiel to the core.

Just as quickly, Dean moves away from the angel's lips, desperately peppering his face with wet kisses. Pressing hundreds into the skin of Castiel's cheeks and forehead before returning to his lips.

Abruptly, Dean wretches his lips from Castiel and arches his body to grab something above Castiel's head. Castiel watches as his charge's hand returns with a blunt hanging lightly between his fingers.

He watches as his human lights up the blunt, and pulls the smoke into his mouth, closing his eyes as his leans down and presses his lips against the angel's.

Castiel stays still, unsure about the intentions of his charge as Dean looks into his eyes.

Castiel knows that he has done something wrong when his charge removes his lips from his own and blows the smoke away from his face in obvious frustration.

Castiel waits as Dean returns his gaze the angel. He watches as his charge analyzes him.

He is unsurprised when his human moves back down to press their foreheads together. Brushing their skin together, Castiel watches as Dean transmits image after image until he understands what his human wants.

Then pressing their bodies closer together, until they are hip to hip, stomach pressing along the other, Dean closes his eyes and whispers against his lips,

"**C'mon, baby, c'mon, c'mon, darling,**

**Let me steal this moment from you now.**

**C'mon, angel, c'mon, c'mon, darling,**

**Let's exchange the experience, oh..."**

And suddenly, Dean's mouth is back, filled with smoke, and Castiel does not hesitate to open his lips and suck the heated air into his mouth. He does not hesitate to suck the smoke into his lungs when Dean's fingers press along his throat and beg him to swallow.

He feels his lungs burn and Dean stares into his eyes which are begging him to hold it in for a few moments longer.

And when it feels like a millennium has passed looking into his human's eyes, Dean removes his lips from Castiel and tilts his head back to kiss along his neck. Nipping his jaw line and whispering, "out."

And Castiel obeys, feeling his body relax and melt as his exhales; the smoke surrounding them is a haze.

They repeat those actions until the blunt is cashed and Dean begins to rapidly descend into sleep; sliding his body along the angel's and burying his head into Castiel's shoulder.

**And if I only could,**

**Make a deal with God,**

**And get him to swap our places,**

**Be running up that road,**

**Be running up that hill,**

**With no problems.**

**If I only could, be running up that hill.**

And as his charge sleeps, Castiel prays.

He prays in every language he knows. He prays until the moisture returns to his vessel's eyes and his heart seems to squeeze in agony.

He prays to swap places. He prays to undertake it all. He prays for all the agony.

And he prays that when it is all done that God will not force him from his charge's side.

* * *

**Comments: You can chose interpret this as slash or interpret Dean's action as just a human being desperate for a connection.**

**As for, Cas, I have no doubt that Castiel loves Dean in every capacity that he can understand; whether or not he can be a sexual creature is purely up to you. **


	5. Skylar Grey Love The Way you Lie

**Disclaimer: I do not own Supernatural or any of its characters.**

**This song-fic focuses on Dean, during Season 2 Episode 21 (When the Levee Breaks), as he watches his brother go through withdrawal. **

**Inspired by:**

**Band: Skylar Gray**

**Song: Love the Way You Lie**

* * *

**On the first page of our story**

**The future seemed so bright**

**Then this thing turned out so evil**

**I don't know why I'm still surprised**

**Even angels have their wicked schemes**

**And you take that to new extremes**

**But you'll always be my hero**

**Even though you've lost your mind**

When he was younger, he was a second father to his brother. He changed his diaper. Read him bed-time stories. Held him when a thunderstorm scared him and their father refused to let Sam into his bed, telling him to stop being a "pussy."

And even when Sammy hit rock bottom- sleeping with a demon and drinking demon blood- he refused to give up on his brother. His family.

So, he throws his brother into a room. Watches his brother rage in the small room. Watches him succumb to withdrawal. Watches as his little brother loses his mind.

**Just gonna stand there and watch me burn**

**Well that's alright because I like the way it hurts**

**Just gonna stand there and hear me cry**

**Well that's alright because I love the way you lie**

**I love the way you lie**

**I love the way you lie**

He listens as his brother screams that he has recovered and they can let him out.

He lets Bobby drag him away because he knows that he wants his brother back so much that he will believe a lie.

**Now there's gravel in our voices**

**Glasses shattered from the fight**

**In this tug of war you always win**

**Even when I'm right**

**Cos you feed me fables from your head**

**With violent words and empty threats**

**And it's sick that all these battles are what keeps me satisfied**

He returns later in the night without Bobby. He hears his brother's hoarse voice as he strains his damaged vocal cords to scream-out.

He listens as his brother calls him a "son of a bitch."

"Traitor."

"Hypocrite."

"Torturer."

He listens as Sam tells him how he will never trust Dean again. How Dean has no right to treat him this way when he has done what he has. He swears that he will beat the living

shit out of him. Screams that he will kill him.

And even though it is Sam that is sick, Dean cannot stop thinking that he belongs in the cage with his brother.

**Just gonna stand there and watch me burn**

**Well that's alright because I like the way it hurts**

**Just gonna stand there and hear me cry**

**Well that's alright because I love the way you lie**

**I love the way you lie**

**I love the way you lie**

And as his brother begins to babble that he is healed and that he didn't mean what he said, Dean has to walk away because the lie is too perfect not to believe.

**So maybe I'm a masochist**

**I try to run but I don't wanna ever leave**

**Til the walls are going up**

**In smoke with all our memories**

Dean finds himself returning every night, listening to his brother hallucinate and scream. He lets himself suffer with his brother, watching as Sam falls apart.

Dean silently prays that when it is all done that he will get his brother back. That he will get back the Sammy that he read bedtime stories to and held when the thunderstorms became too scary.

The one that trusted and loved him unconditionally.

Because while Dean knows that, that Sam will now only exist in his memory, he allows himself to pretend that his Sammy will come back.

He smiles as he lies to himself and listens to his brother's cries.

**Just gonna stand there and watch me burn**

**Well that's alright because I like the way it hurts**

**Just gonna stand there and hear me cry**

**Well that's alright because I love the way you lie**

**I love the way you lie**

**I love the way you lie**

**I love the way you lie**


End file.
